I have a friend whom I have been friends w/ for about 3 1/2 years now(whom I will refer to as friend 1). She and her husband have been trying desperately to conceive for the last 5 years, and finally conceived via IVF a few months ago. My friend is a middle school teacher, and her husband is an economics professor at a small local state college, so they are not exactly rolling in money, and during the school year friend 1 is quite busy. They also found out they are having twins, so they are now preparing for 2 babies.
When I was expecting my son about 2 years ago, friend 1 didn’t come. She had recently had a severe letdown in the trying to conceive department(they were going to try a sperm donor, got almost to the end of the process, then the donor decided he didn’t want to donate anymore), so I understood(as it had taken me about a year to conceive my son, and we had had some concerns as to my fertility as well as my husbands due to previous medical issues on both our parts) why she wasn’t interested in coming. I saw her after this, and we talked, and I told her I understood her reasons for not coming, and left it at that.
Friend 1 also didn’t come to friend 2′s baby shower, but by this point they had drifted apart a bit, not to mention that friend 2 is a bit bossy and demanding(she is one of those ppl who do their best to make your POV the exact same as theirs), as well as had kind of made light of friend 1′s husbands fertility issues. Plus, Friend 2 had gotten pregnant on a 1 night stand w/ a guy she had been seeing off and on for the last year or more, after which she didn’t allow the guy to be a part of the pregnancy or the baby’s life for any reason other than she wanted to control every aspect. The guy had a good job, and was very nice(I met him a few times) and he was interested in being there, but backed off when friend 2 said she didnt want him around. I had been out of work about a year at this point, so I was pretty much broke, however I scraped up the money to get her some of the items she had on her registry(most of which were pretty expensive as they were all organic clothes, and all natural this and that, seventh generation diapers-which I can respect, b/c I do my best to get as much organic food and all natural things for my son and myself, but only to the extent I can afford, and when your friends are not that well off, you cannot expect them to just drop $35 on an organic outfit set from a specialty store)and went to her baby shower w/ my then 7 month old son.
I emailed Friend 2 and another couple of our friends to ask them if they thought they would be interested in helping me host a proxy baby shower for Friend 1(I thought this would be easier for friend 1 b/c she is in the middle of preparing for her maternity leave, as well as middle of the school year whatnot, and it would mean that no one -except me and my husband- would have to drive all the way out to where she lives now as she lives about an hour and half away from most of us; & further from me). I thought it would be nice, as well as being helpful, as I have known a few mothers w/ twins, and every little bit helps in those circumstances, especially w/ things like diapers, and she is due at the beginning of May, so it is coming up quick.
No one responded to my email. I finally got a call from Friend 2, saying that she didn’t want to do it b/c “well, (friend 1) didn’t get me anything for my baby shower, and she didn’t get you anything for your baby shower or your wedding,”-neither of which bothered me btw- “I can’t afford to buy her anything” -you are a single mom working at an ipod store less than 20 hrs/week b/c you stay home w/ a “headache” at least once a week, you need get what you can afford, not spend every dime you make on over priced expensive things for your child, then complain about being totally broke all the time, not to mention if it was really that desperate of a situation, I could get a gift for her to give to her, or go in w/ her on something-” And (another of our friends) is mad at her(some situation that occured over a year ago, over some knitting needles), and w/ her having twins, she will get all this free stuff anyway”-At this point, I am just thinking to myself, If you don’t want to be bothered w/ doing it, just say that and don’t make excuses.
Then friend 2 said ” I would really like to see you when (her child) and I finally feel better”-fyi, friend 2 will make plans w/ me and my child, then a few hours before they are supposed to show up, I get a phone call from friend 2 saying “Oh, (her child and/or her) are sick, so we won’t be coming today”- to the point that if I believed her, her child would be sick literally all the time(I know this isn’t true as she hangs out w/ her other friends, and they leave her messages on her facebook page in regard to them). It has gotten to the point that my husband jokes anytime I have plans w/ her, b/c we both know they will never come to pass.
I asked h

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