Im Eight Months Pregnant And Do Not Want The Father To See The Baby Until My First Csa Payment, Is That So Bad
We planned this baby and were due to marry, but after telling EVERYONE I was pregnant demanded I have an abortion. Anyway I have moved house, I get on great with his Dad and so on. He has moved and refused to tell me where he lives and refused to pay child support when the baby come. I will not be having his name on the birth certificate, so he will have to prove he is the dad and pay child support and take responsibilty THEN he is welcome to meet his baby. I am not on benefits I work full time and have just paid over £2500 in nursery stuff and prams, why should he get off scot free and leave me and my family to foot the bill, for food, clothing and education?
Tagged with: Baby • Eight • Father • First • Months • Payment • Pregnant • That • Until • Want
Filed under: Free Baby Stuff
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I totally agree. I am so sick of hearing Mothers being slated for things like this.
Why on Earth would you introduce ANYONE into to your child’s life if they have proved themselves to be such an unreliable waste of space and are not willing to make any effort to redeem themselves?
Why should you have to pay for this child by yourself you did not create them by yourself?
This happens all the time and the view of the general public makes me sick to my stomach. You have said you are not on benefits but what if you were? You planned this child with your partner then he ditches you so through no fault of your own you’re single, it would not be surprising or bad if you ended up living on income support. However you would get slated left right and centre for scrounging off the government, meanwhile there is no mention of the man who helped bring the child into the world he is let off scot free.
So YES stick by your guns. If your child resents you (and lets face it most kids end up resenting their parents for something) wait till the are older nd explain that you did this for THEM.
Being a parent is all about doing whats best for your child regardless of how hard it is and what others might say, this is the right thing to do. The alternative of allowing him into your child’s life with no responsibility towards them then doing a vanishing act at any stage is far more damaging.
I dont agree with using kids as pawns BUT, this phrase is so often used by deadbeat dads, who are not fullfilling their responsibilities. if you saw your child but didnt provide for her physically your baby would be put in care, which means it is not acceptable for the resident parent to half parent their kids…and yet it seems perfectly acceptable to people that the absent parent(usually the dad) is allowed to get away with what amounts to neglect. my ex was very controlling stll is 8 years after divorce…. he had excellent access with his kids until 1 month ago when they suddenly realised he didnt give a monkeys about them and was more interested in just trying to make my life difficult which in turn affected them.They have chosen to not see him anymore, believe me it is heartbreaking to watch the father of your kids do that to them and if i had my time again i would have done anything to get him out of their lives before he hurt them so badly. no one can tell you what to do but if he is such an @rse at this stage please be warned they can and will make life virtually intolerable for you. good luck, just be true to yourself and make sure that all your decisions are made for the right reasons, im sure you will be fine.
the csa has been abolished. and as for not having his name on the birth cert, sounds like your cutting of your nose to spite your face, and that of your unborn child.
your right, he shouldn’t get off scott free, but nor should his life be ruined because he doesn’t want to raise a family with you. let the authorities sort out the maintenance, and you should make amicable arrangements for access to the child. because one day, your child will grow a mind of its own, and may resent you for denying it its father
You’re not actually protecting your child, that’s just how you’re justifying it to yourself. What you are relly doing is trying to punish the father in the only way available to you.
Remember, when your child is old enough, he/she will probably contact their father and you won’t be able to stop them. Then they will find out that they have been denied contact with their father throughout their childhood because you put a financial price on access.
That could backfire rather badly on you.
Your ex sounds like a complete and utter tosser and so do all those people who think that you claim benefits (despite saying that you work full time).
I dont think the baby will suffer from their dad not seeing them. In fact in this case it sounds like you and your family can do this all on your own, its better to have no dad than a dad who tells you everyday that he didnt want you.
Good luck with the baby and dont get yourself stressed over a complete **** like this. Until he is willing to support your child, he doesnt deserve a place in the childs life.
Anyone can father a child but it takes dedication to be a dad.
You must put the father’s name on the birth certificate, it is so unfair to the child not to do so. It can affect him/her forever. Can’t you see that?
You have the right as the mother to decide if and when the father sees the baby. If he really wanted to see the baby then he would not have moved away. I personally don’t blame you for not wanting him to see your baby. You might be doing your child a favor by not letting the father see him/her. Who’s to know that the father won’t be one of those fathers want only want to be a part time dad. You don’t need your child to go through life wondering if he/she is going to see or her from their father. I’m went through the same thing with my daughters father. She is now 11 and he has seen her a total of 10X’s her whole life. Believe me it hurts to her your child ask over and over again “Why don’t my daddy love me?” I made him pay child support before he could see her. Just a word of advice, make sure the child support is payroll deducted. That way you are sure to get it. You have the right to know where is at all time because you are mothering him child. If I was you I would put him on the “Dead beat dad list”. Lord knows there are thousands of them on there. As far as the birth certificate goes you don’t have to name the father at all. Most of the time if your not married the father won’t even be mentioned.
Good luck and may God bless you and your child.
I think we know where you’re coming from. The kid isn’t even here yet, and you want money. Roughly $5000.00 in nursery items is a bit much don’t you think. I recommend the baby’s father hire an attorney straight away. With a money grubber like you the mother of his kid, he’ll need some sound legal advise. Migration may also be a good answer to your demands for cash.
I understand how you feel. Being a dad is about taking responsibility and if he can’t do that then he has no rights. Hopfully, for the sake of the baby, he will start taking responsibility but, like you said, he shouldn’t get away without supporting his child, so lay down the ground rules.
if he wants to see the baby and not pay csa don’t let him see the baby till he pays
Yes, this is bad.
Have him recognized as the father and go to court for child support.
You shouldn’t use the baby as a bargaining tool.
I completely AGREE with you. Don’t let him see the child unless he is willing to help. And it doesn’t matter if you make more money then him if he wants to be a part of this childs life then he needs to support it. To boot if he was telling you that you should abort the child then do you really want him involved anyways? I was in a similar situation and if i could change things and not involve the father i would. You really need to figure out if having him involved is in you and your childs best interest.
I agree that when you make a child you should support that child. But, you should not use that child as a weapon to punish each other. You have to be the bigger person and the better parent. Just because you two have ill will does not mean that either of you should visit it on your child. You need to remember that you aren’t just depriving your ex of his child, you are also depriving your child of his/her father. Is he a worthy father? From what you say, probably not. However, you don’t want to be the reason that your child doesn’t know it’s father. That seriously opens up the possibility that your child will resent you for that in the future. Go to court to enforce your financial rights and keep your child out of it. If your ex turns out to be a major *** but a phenomenal father then you may not benefit, but your child will. On the other hand if your ex turns out to be a **** dad, then you will never have to look your child in the face and explain that you kept him/her away from his/her father.
Good Luck
sounds like my ex , whats his name,lol
i dunno follow ur heart i think
i see where you are coming from and get your points totally, but.. you chose to have the baby and you chose him to father it.. let him see it and if it all goes wrong or the t o s s e r loses interest you will always be able to tell your child you never stood in the way.. also all could change once the little love is born.. good luck chick
If he says he will not pay child support you will be playing into his hands by not putting his name on the birth certificate. Do you really want your child to have a birth certificate that states “father unknown” how awful for your child. You are understandably angry with his irresponsible attitude, but need to think further ahead for the sake of your child state his name on the birth certificate and take the bastard for child support. Take care of yourself and baby.
You’re obviously seeking acceptance if you’re rejecting and retaliating opinions you don’t like… also extremely defensive. If it’s acceptance you’re seeking, talk to your friends about it instead; you’ve asked advice here and should take in everyone’s opinions.
If you know in your heart what you’re doing is right then you don’t need to ask, so think: maybe you should think twice about the advice before you retaliate
I don’t think that is wrong at all. Sounds to be as if you have done nothing wrong and have done everything yourself so far!
If you ask me, you are being leaniant by letting him see the baby at all after the way he has acted; there is no excuse for it, even if he is just scared of this sudden ‘commitment.’ But to be honest, if he didn’t want it, he should have thought of that before! Men need to start taking a lot more responsibilities for their actions.
No one can control your decisions to do with the child – Fortunately, it is your unconditional power to make the decisions involving your child being their mother and having carried them for 9 months! However, he is the father of your baby at the end of the day, and as much as I say he is lucky to get to see the baby at all, he is within his rights to see them if he wants!
In short, I don’t believe your decision is wrong at all, you are more than right to make the choices you have!
You’re not having his name on the birth certificate, you don’t know where he lives or how to contact him, and it’s fairly evident he doesn’t want to know or take responsibility. Remember, it’s up to you to prove he IS the father, not for him to prove he ISN’T.
I think you’re sh*it out of luck, and the state picks-up the bill for yet another fatherless child.
you and your family need to sign up for T V shows like Dr. Phil , Jerry Springer, or Maurvy Povandough( ? )– again two screwed up young adults wanting to be grown but just cannot cut it– on Maurvy at least you get a daddy test to make sure that is his child– if you provde no paper work proving it is indeed his you lose– maybe he felt jilted because the baby you carry was the both of ya’lls and YOU told everybody making him feel like nothing that is a big deal and ya’ll both should have announced it- and from the way you wrote your complaint- you must run everything including his life , which is a no, no– all this is JMO-sorry
No its not bad,its blackmail pure and simple
either on the father or us tax payers.
A very good start for a child thats not born yet!
hey hun it is completely up to you what you do?
There is two ways you can go get the csa on him and get him to pay. But this means that he is always going to be in your life and by the sounds of him and what he has done that don’t sound to good.
The other option would be to not collect csa and if he don’t get in contact with you for 6 months he has no parental right over your baby at all.
By the way no i don’t think what you are doing is a bad thing it took him to make the baby and he knew what he was doing. Its completely up to you and i wish you all the best of luck for the future xx