Mother In Law And My Baby?!?
Now my first problem is that I live with my husband parents and we have a baby. But if anyone who is kinda in the same situation, did they find their mother in law way more annoying or overbearing when they had a baby? I mean my mother in law is over bearing and gives advice when its not need but I can’t stand her now. We live with her and she will go in and walk the baby up in the morning before she goes to work, kisses all over him, calls and is like let me talk to him, claims him as hers and I can’t stand it. I have tried to set boundaries but its not work. She wants to do all the firsts with him like feed him his first bowl of baby cereral, had to be involved with the first bath and all that and I can not stand it. I have told my husband but he’s like we have to deal with it because she lets us live there for free, buys all our food, constantly buys stuff for the baby and I just don’t know what to do any more!
Any advice, stories, comments. This is kinda a venting story but..
Filed under: Free Baby Stuff
Like this post? Subscribe to my RSS feed and get loads more!
I do feel for you. I can only imagine having to live with the mom and having her be overbearing. But, since you do have to live with her (other wise why would you right?) and she is supporting you, I say you have to suck it up. Yep. You gotta share.
etc) and hope for the best. At least she wants to be a part of the grandchild’s life and is willing to foot the bill.
Let her help with the first stuff, let her have the first kisses of the day. Having an overbearing and helpful mom in law is kind of a blessing in disguise. At least she is helping. I know this isn’t what you wanted to hear. But, if you can’t allow her the grandma stuff that she wants, I would say you will probably have to move out.
You can’t live rent free somewhere, have her buy you food, and baby stuff and ask to make the rules.
Find a good outlet for your anger (like a good friend, a long jog, chocolate
Focus on your blessings and smile through your anger.
Good luck!
I hate to say it, but….your husband is right…
yes, it is your baby….BUT, you DO live there…AND for free! there is not a whole lot you can do, unless you move out, sorry…
worst case, you bring it up to her how much it upsets you, and she gets pissed…how pissed? i dont know….
Wow! I can understand how you feel,but you live there for free? Anyway,the hardest but most effective thing to do is have a talk with her and let her know how you feel. My mother was overbearing at times when my lil one was born and i had a brief chat with her and never really had another problem. You have to remember,this is a very exciting time for a grandparent,and they just want to share in all the memories because they are only kids for a short while.
That’s a tough situation. If I were you, I would talk to her, but not until you’re calm. It’s not what you say, but how you say it. Im sure she’s not trying to be in the way of your parenting, she’s just excited about her grandchild. On the bright side, there are alot of grandparents who aren’t as helpful as she is. And the fact that she takes care of all of you in some way, doesn’t give you much room to gripe. Just let her know that sometimes you feel she is taking over. She’s a mother too. She should know and understand. However, I will say that if you can’t handle her overbearingness to some extent, you need to leave her house. That’s something you and your husband should be trying to do anyways. There’s nothing like having your own things. No one can tell you how to manage it. And until you do, you will have to deal with her until you get your own. Good luck with everything tho.
She is overbearing, but GOSH why don’t you guys get aplace of your own or at least pay for SOMETHING! How old are you guys? I can’t believe you don’t pay for anything! That’s really something.
Have you tried talking to her that you think she is a little too involved. You wouldn’t want her to get mad though and kick you guys out, but then again you guys DO need the boot to become a little more idependent.
EDIT:
you said she goes to work? Well that means you have 8 or more hours without her interfering. Do all the firsts then, do them when she is not there.
Luv,
He has a point but, you should try and talk to her privately without him there,
write it all out on a peice of paper
but most of all before you start and through out the entire things say
I want to say i am thankfull you help us out and support us, i am greatful we live here with you, and YOU are the best Grandma ever
BUT
at this point is would be nice if you could cry.
I really want to enjoy my babies firsts, FIRST.
I am his mother. and i feel like you are trying to control everything,
Now i know you mean well , and its all done out of love BUT
i really would like for things to change.
then Ask her Do you think we can work something OUT.??
hopefully she is feeling compassionate.
and says sure.
Next say Momma i know when you kiss him in the morning its out of love, but i really need that extra sleep. it would help me be a better mother to him.
As far as involved with everything, its normal
they always are and they try to ruin everything.
Mine does it from RUSSIA
She tells my husband how horrible and lazy I am and that I don’t have my boys on a schedule ( FROM RUSSIA )
mean while my husbands only job is to go to work, i even lay his friggin clothes out for him,.
I do everything else for a family of 5
and i am pregnant.
My sons wake at 630 am and go to bed at 8, 830pm
and nap time for the little guy is 1130-12
my 2.5 year old hardly eats or sleeps and wakes up all night long, its been like this since he was a baby.
and my 1 year old is whining all the time, but he was a real angel, but mean time my husband can’t stand it.
LIKE I CAN- shoot i love these little guys but its no picnic for me either.and i stay home ans hear it all the time.
any ways,
I have said to everyone to back off and let me make my own mistakes, but aslong as your married to your husband she will always have something ot say, and as long as you live there she will make things difficult.
And as far as your husbands concerned HE NEEDS to be the man and speak up and talk to her for you
its wrong that you have to fight your mother inlaw alone
but i know where you are coming form because its the same with me.
Email me if you need to talk.
these darn nosy old hags harrass the Shiznit out of US.
Ahahahaha!
meg
Check out this question from the same poster a year ago:
“Wanting a Baby To Soon?
I’m getting married in August and my fiance wants to have a baby when we get back from the honeymoon. Im all about kids but I’m 19 and he is 21 and I know he will be a great dad and that I will be a great mom but I think we should wait a year or two…
How do ICompromise?”
Wow.
Yeah, I wouldn’t have predicted this problem coming from that problem _at all_…
“All about kids” — you ARE a kid!
This happened to my mother and she ended up divorcing my father because she could not take it any more even tho she still loved my father.
She told me this when I was in my thirties. So tell your husband if his mother does not stop this behavior then the only way out of this is would be to divorce him.
If you don’t want her involved don’t use her for her money and house.
You and your husband are married and have a child!!! What are you doing living in Mommy’s house still?? Its time for you two to grow up and get a place of your own!
I would move- live somewhere you can afford just to keep yourself sane. Then I would be very straight forward on telling her she is to call before she comes over. If she ignores you, open the door and tell her its not a good time and please call before you come over again. She is going to get mad, but so what? She will get over it. You need to make it very clear and tell her this is your baby, its her grandchild and you all need your privacy as a family to bond. PERIOD. Be a self confident woman….she will respect that in the end.
PS Your husband has no balls….
You know the answer, you have to get out and live on your own or this is how life will be forever. I’m sorry for you and I know it’s easy for me to say but it’s a fact, your MIL is a controlling witch but at least because of her you aren’t homeless. good luck to you.
You and your husband needs to move out. The two of you need to make your own way in life now. You have a family. You cannot hate or resent your mother-n-law for being a doting grandparent. It is “her” grandchild. You are going to have to understand that you are not in a good place in your life right now and the only way to make it better is to make your own way as a family. I have to say, that when I had my first child, my parents and in-laws were my life savers. I took a lot of advise from them, and there were some things that I just thought were stupid. But because of them, my child learned how to sleep all night, which at the time was the hardest thing for me to get through. I shared all the first with them. Yes I was a little jealous at times, but I got over it.
When you feel that she is about to make you blow up, just bite your tongue and walk away. Try to say to yourself how grateful you are that she is supporting you in all the ways that she does.
YOU”RE LIVING FREE AND GRIPPING?????
Here’s your choices:
1. Put up with her and her “quirks”
2. Move out and get a place of your own!
well this is a tough situation, i think that you need to sit her down with your husband by your side you 2 are a team now and he needs to support you, you need to talk to you in-law say “listen i appretiate all that you’ve done for us we really can’t thank you enough but you have to remember that this is our baby and your grandchild i know you love him/her very much but we want to do this our way like you did with my hubby, you did a wonderful job with him and i want to do the same for my child” then list your boundries.
if this doesn’t work then i would deffinatly consider getting your own place if money is the issue there are plenty of apts that go by your income.. good luck and hope this helps
p.s. be strongand firm in your disscussion but no yelling
GET YOUR OWN PLACE! I’m not being mean, I am just saying. I know how overbearing mother-in-laws can be and they are very annoying. I don’t even know your mother-in-law and she annoys me, just because It reminds me of my own. Try to find a cheap apartment or something. Just try to do anything to get out of the house with her. You won’t regret it. Hope this helps!
Just recently I started to hate my mother-in-law. I lived with her for three months because we just bought a house and we remodeled the 2nd floor and the kitchen. I saw in these three months what my kids are put through (its not bad) crap. Well when we get up we will go downstairs and right away they will be given candy or chocolate milk instead of breakfast. I will tell her that that wasn’t healthy, so if she didn’t stop then I will take it away and she would have to sit there and see them cry. I’m not trying to be mean to my kids but what goes, is what I say. She stopped it for a while but grandpa continued so I threw away any bottle I found and if I was downstairs when we are all up I made sure I was downstairs cooking breakfast for them. Its great they care but it is not okay to spoil them with treats. She also use to let them do whatever they wanted, now she makes it look like they are bad kids. I told her as that was her fault for not putting rules in her home while they were younger and she shouldn’t yell at them for her mistakes and the only way she can take care of it was to give them a time out. Girl, I suggest you get out before your blood will runs thin. She should of been asking you to do certain things for your child. I would love to take his first bath because its my first born too. It doesn’t matter if you live there for free, she should still know her boundaries and if she doesn’t you have to tell her how you feel. IF she doesn’t get it, then best thing to do is leave. And if you are to young to leave then try to interfere when you want to do it first. Its not right to feel challenge from another person to give your child the first feeling of something you want. Good luck!
My best friend dealt with this with her own mother. Her mom was terrible, and called Alli “my baby”. She literally acts like she is mom not grandma. Jenny had to move out of the house when Alli was 1 because it had gone too far.. It was really disturbing.
She also did the wake up the baby in the morning thing, and called her all day. The thing is, there is not much you are going to be able to do about it as long as you live in her house.
Jenny’s mother is still just as overbearing, but now it’s only once a week or so. But every time Alli is at grandmas house, she comes home with a tummy ache from to much candy and junk. It is kind of sad, your mother in law has some emotional need that she is trying to meet by pretending this baby is her own. This need is probably also what is letting you stay in her house without paying a thing.
So save your money, get your own place, and then tell her that you are done allowing her to control you with money. Tell her if she would like to be a grandparent, and respect the wishes of your child’s MOTHER, then she is welcome to be as involved as she likes. But if she cannot respect you as a mother, then she will have limited contact.
well i would encourage you to talk to her, tell her how u feel and tell her that it feels as though she is raising your child and you want to be the one to do it, she should understand just tell her that you appreciate her help . if she doesnt understand then you should leave
Good Luck!!
I get the impression that you don’t have the means to move out. This being that case you have to grin and bear it until you can get a place of your own.
Have you tried having a serious heart to heart with your M-I-L? She may not even realize that she is stepping way over the boundaries. Tread lightly, you are living there for free….
Definitely get your own place if you can afford to. My mother in law lives with us as well and she is the total opposite! She does not interfere at all! Good luck!
Maybe If You Just talk to her and explain everything you feel. Maybe She’ll Understand. Try Not to like lose your patience, ask her what her feelings are about the situation. Get her perspective on everything, things will go from there. When you have everything worked out, try and set the ground rules again, see how it goes
luvae, sorry to hear about your circumstance – it is a little upsetting when someone else treats your child as their own but maybe you can put a spin on it till the “new baby novelty” wears off on your mother-in-law.
Idea: if your son can wake b4 her, carry him to her in the morning even better let her see him as soon as she gets home from work (she shd be pretty tired by then)
Idea:if ur a stay at home mom try taking him out for walks or to the park creating your own new Firsts for the baby then take pics of the occasion and title them “First day in a sandbox”, “First day on a swing”, “First day at the Zoo”, etc to show her that your baby & YOU have special moments
Idea:if you can stand it leave him with her for short periods while you and your husband go to a movie or for dinner this gives her “grandma time” and may eventually prove to tire her out
My point is sort of reverse psychology, it’s easier to be overly-attentive with another person’s child as long as the duration of responsibility stays short. Hopefully she will continue to love her grandson but allow you the benefit of raising your own child.
Good Luck and enjoy the alone time you have with your son, they are far too few but precious when well spent.
i’ve read many of the answers here n the solution is to move out. things may not be that simple. befor getting maried me n my husband have decided to get a place of our own. but a month b4 the wedding my mother in law passed away so now we have to stay with my father in law n brother in law becoz they r both men n there’s no one to cook n do their laundry. its not an easy task when the only ppl making things work r me n my hubby. we cook n clean. we can’t expect my dad in law to do any work as he’s aged.my brother in law doesn’t help on anything but makes life worse for us as he is a super sloppy person. it is not fun to work our *** off or go out on a date n come back to a messy house. sometimes we just have to be patient n pray that something good will come our way. i am now preggo n i honestly do not have the energy to do all housework anymore.i pity my husband as he doesn’t complain when he does a whole lot of things even when he’s tired.try totalk to yr mom in law n tell her that u carried yr child for a long time n sometimes u need the privacy to just bond with yr baby. i hope that should do it.good luck.
I love my exes mother but we lived with her when my son was born. I know exactly what you are going through. I am still annoyed that she gave him his first bath without saying a word to me. I only have pictures of HER giving him his first bath. She was very good to us but it was nerve wracking when she would come home from work and take him to her room for hours saying she was giving me a break.
Unfortunately until you get a place of your own there isnt a whole lot you can do. You can tell her how you feel but she is likely to be resentful. One thing I learned, even though it’s YOUR baby you have to share him or her with family that love you and the baby. You will be glad you did in the long run. My son is 17 now and very close to his grandmother but he knows who his mama is!
The situation is what you made. If you don’t want interference then you have to move, get your own house, maintain your boundaries. Your husband is right your in their house you are in her domain.
So instead of carping about a mother in law, who fusses over her grandchild, why aren’t you carping about your husband that can’t provide you with a home of your own, where you, the baby and your husband can live together, be your own family and stand on your own 2 feet? (are you saving up for a place or does your husband don’t want to pay rent on a small apartment that at least he could be the provider for?)
And I thought my parents were bad…they would never do that!!! That’s ridiculous.
I don’t have any advice, just a hang in there. I absolutely do not think it’s fair that someone believes that because they let you use a room in their house, they suddenly get to control every aspect of your life. My husband and I are living with my parents (for a couple of months transitionally) and they have made it very clear that we are our own household, and they try to treat us as such. If I had a problem with a way they were treating my child, I feel confident that if I approached them about it they would stop.
It sounds as if your mother in law is feeling guilty for the way she raised her child as an infant and is trying to make up for it. It sounds like this because she’s trying to play the mother role, not the grandmother role. Maybe get her some grandmother books to read with the kid, maybe that will help her get out of “mother” mode and into “grandmother” mode? Just a thought…
Move out…the stress isn’t really “Free” is it?
My only advice is to move out…But that doesnt work all the time. Have to move across the counrty. hehe im kidding
I was living with my in laws for some time and my father in law would contradict me in front of the kids. I would say “no cookies, you didnt finish your dinner” he would say “they can have one, look this one has fruit in the middle, its good for them” Him and my ex husband would have screaming matches over it and it would never get resolved… Thank all that is good im not in that house anymore!
similar situation here. I rented my house out to move in with my in-laws. They tend to invade your privacy. One time I’m sleepin with only my boxer. My mother in law just walk into my room to wake up my daughter. And they lecture a lot like they know everything. Its not like I did anything wrong, even my wife get piss off. We don’t pay rent, but we pay for food, utilities bills, cable, that add up to about $600-700 a month. not cheap. Soon after 2 months of living there we moved back out. So I understand your situation.
Sorry to say everything in life is a trade off. You and your husband want to live rent free and have her support you both
this is what happens. Move out and you won’t have this problem.
What are the circumstances of you guys living there? Because if she’s that annoying and overbearing, my suggestion is to get out when you can.
You might just talk to her about it – she could just be excited to have her grand-baby living with her.
But yeah – since you’re living there, you either need to talk to her or let her do her thing. Maybe what you see as overbearing is her just trying to help.